“Human beings literally cannot love others without loving themselves first,” says Heller. It's just as important to show yourself some love as it is to show love to your loved ones - and Heller and Small both note that the love languages framework can apply to your self-care routine. Greet them with a hug the next time you see them.Turn off notifications or put your cell phone away when you spend time together.Send a text message thanking them for something they did for you.Express gratitude and appreciation for your partner, unprompted.Brew them some fresh coffee in the morning.Surprise them with coffee or breakfast in bed.Present your partner with a framed photo from a trip you took together.Pick up their favorite snack or treat when you’re at the store.Here are some suggestions from Heller and Small to get you started. And don’t worry if you and your partner or spouse have different love languages, says Small: “Most partners in a couple have different love languages the key is to focus on giving love in the way your partner receives it, not the way you do.” Once you and your partner know each other’s love languages, you can find ways to practice it to express heartfelt commitment. “This quiz is highly effective, and I recommend it to all my couples,” says Richard Heller, a trained mediator and relationship counselor in New York City. When you’re upset or having a bad day, a hug calms you down more than words.Īnother great way to figure out which love language you and your partner prefer is to take Chapman’s love language quiz. Physical touch You like physical intimacy - to cuddle, touch, and kiss.You appreciate spending quality time with your partner, and when they give you their full attention without distractions. Quality time You come up with a bunch of ideas about what you and your partner can do when you’re together.You make an effort to offer reassurance to your partner, and compliments are a key to your heart. Words of affirmation You value sharing your emotions and hearing your partner talk about theirs.Acts of service You look for ways to be helpful, like finishing the chores, making dinner, or running important errands - and you appreciate when your partner does the same for you.Gifts You show love and care with gifts, put extra time and effort into finding the perfect gift, and enjoy receiving gifts yourself.See if you recognize yourself or your partner in any of these categories. Think about how you express affection and respond to your partner’s displays of affection. There are some telltale signs that you favor one love language over the others, suggests The 5 Love Languages. You prefer to bond through physical contact. Think hugging, kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and having sex. This may mean sharing a meal, taking a staycation, or learning a new skill together like painting, pottery, or dancing. You feel most loved while spending meaningful, focused time with your partner. For you, words speak louder than actions. You most appreciate giving and receiving love through kind words, including compliments, praise, cheerleading, and other verbal expressions of support or admiration. When others do the same for you, you feel loved. You demonstrate your affection with thoughtful gestures, such as cooking a meal, cleaning the house, or filling the car with gas. Acts of ServiceĪctions speak louder than words. You express love through presents. These can be small tokens or bigger items. Even if you can relate to different expressions of love, Chapman’s theory is that we all have a primary language that speaks to us the most.īefore delving deeper into love languages, let’s outline each one. The five love languages framework aims to help couples hear and say “I love you” by recognizing expressions of love from their romantic partners and showing love themselves in ways the other person in that relationship can appreciate.
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